Behind the counter stood on crutches made of wood

A one-legged girl with blue-grey eyes, warm and wise.

I fled from that place and from that lovely face

That the one-legged girl stole my heart and I need help.

Cold November morning, buried under trees.

I would stay here all day long except I have to eat.

Crack the woods, crack them open both with shovels and yells.

Got to find little people, got to ask for their help.

And I tell them

If I could run fast, as fast as the Flash

Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness.

If I were a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,

Stronger than the Thing then I could win the one-legged girl.

Getting close to nighttime, running out of steam.

By now I know my familys looking and theyll know right where Ill be.

Spy the eyes in the twilight, small and bright, warm and wise.

Little hats, little fingers, and a flask full of wine.

And Id tell them

If my hand were wheels and if my feet were wheels

Then I could roll over all of my rivals.

If I could cast a spell or do something swell

So that she could tell I was worth her attention.

Arms drag me away.

The little eyes wink out.

Stuffed inside my pocket is a flask of wine.

Now I can run as fast as the Flash

Or be as cool as Ash in Army of Darkness.

Now Ill be a Gai-King or maybe a Viking,

Stronger than the Thing.

Now I can win the one-legged girl!